DATING AFTER DIVORCE
What are the signs that you are ready to date again?
- Are you comfortable being single? If you feel a strong need to date you are probably not ready. If you approach dating from a position of panic or anxiousness, you will be likely to overlook warning signs in your dates just to move toward a relationship.
- Are you over the anger, hate, etc. toward your ex-spouse? The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. If you still feel strong negative feelings toward your ex it’s a good sign you are not over the relationship. You will bring this baggage into any new relationship and it will most likely be short-lived.
Has it been at least a year since your divorce was final? Many experts agree that one year is the minimum time it takes to be ready to date. Dealing with the pain of anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc is something that is best handled before you bring someone else into the picture.
My rule of thumb is to give yourself a year to find out who you are as a single person…get grounded… get your self esteem back and have something loving and healthy to bring to your next partner (a happy with open heart). Otherwise, you are bringing your pain, anger and trash to the next victim, which is so unfair!
There’s some food for thought on when to start dating.
This advice is completely opposed to the advice you will likely get from well-meaning friends and family, but my almost 2 decades of working with people before during and after divorce has shown this to be the right way.
What has your experience been and did you give yourself time to heal?